my shad0w's the only one that walkks beside me; my shall0w heart's the 0nly thingg that's beatingg; s0metimes i wish some0ne out therewill findd me; ` till thenn i walkk alonee. Thursday, June 02, 2005 Jonny's mum called today. Wonder what happened to him this time. Hope ya didnt try to kill yourself w tremedols n alcohol again. Oh well, we're not on talking terms again. Pissed over silly issues once again. Come on, it was just a msg from a guy pal. Do u even have to delete my whole phonebook?! 5am now..can't getta sleep. Much have happened e past one week. Ying & I got into a car accident last fri. Screwed my dad's car am feelin' so guilty bout it. Oh great, have ta work my ass off to pay for repairs now. Learnt my lesson this time- Obedience is a virtue. Seriously, hope this money issue didn't strain our friendship, gal. Are u really that cold, insensitive n nonchalent?? You knew bout e accident, but didnt even bother to call. But it doesnt really matter now, we shd all learn to move on. Not sure if I've really gotten over that quickly, but one thing's for sure - I've learnt alot from u and our relationship. At least I know I once loved wholeheartedly, at least there wld still be unforgettable memories of us to fall back upon when my hair turns grey :) Hai, those days when we fought for my freedom to live together.. :) Memories in Sibu Island..How I miss picking seashells w you by e shore.. My fairy tale has comed to a sad ending I guess.. wld there be a next chapter for us? Tong Hua li de wang zi - It'd always be you :) s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 8:00 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005 Didn't realise I havent blogged for a mth now. Life is good, I love my life now. Am coping well without u in it. Looking back, my life's been quite a comedy w u in it. We squabble over the simplest things like friendsters & MSN nicks?! Oh my.. can't believe it myself. I've been thinking so much lately. It has to end. I'm tired so drained.. Sedated. Felt like I was livin' someone else's life e past years, pathetic ain't it? This lovey dovey fairy tale shitt has to end! Stop being idealistic gotta get realistic - for once. Perhaps, the right things at the wrong time may just be wrong afterall. Is this just gonna be another breakup or is this IT? Feels like the last straw for me, I hope it really is. Hatred is gone, guess time heals almost anything for me. Surrounding myself w partyin people, loud music..drowning in alcohol, but am still thinkin of u. All will be fine, it'd all be over soon. :) What have I not been thru? I'd still keep U in my prayers every nite just hope u'd be happy, always. s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 6:30 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2005 The night before Good Friday.. Haa, a night I would never forget. It's funny how fate played a part in our 4 year relationship. Jonathan goh feng quan, what can I say bout' u? I caught u this time with my own eyes. Trust me ladies, God didnt gave us woman's instincts for no reason. So, always trust in the way u feel. Just when I thought I can try to trust ya once more, U screwed it. You claimed u were gonna meet 'steven' that nite. Oh hoho, I didnt know steven turned out to be a gal. Called ya but couldn't reach U on the mobile that night.. Oh well, knew something's not right.. I didnt wanna stay home feeling oh so sad for u again. Enough of yr mind games. So, headed to Double O for a drink. It was super crowded on thurs nite & my friends thought of leaving..but for some weird reason, I chose to stay on at DBL O. Woah! At the entrance, a familiar face I saw.. my dear? with another gal?! Gosh, what an ass! Haa, fancy trying to lie your way thru, again? Think Im dumb eh? I wont fall for your stupid lame excuses & childish mind games anymore you peabrained pigeon looking shitthead :) Wat can I say? It was just fate la, U chose to jump the Q and I chose to stay on.. thats why we met amidst the crowd. Was so sick of what u did. But didnt wanna create a scene outside the club, so all 3 of us went clubbing together 'happily'. What was I thinking that nite? Should have just kicked yr ass, shouldnt have held back.. damm it! I'm so dumb! I allowed u to put both of us Joey & I in such an awkward situation that nite. Why did U have to lie? Hai.. I still chose to forgive u after this incident. Am I just too obliging? Have I lost my senses being in love?? s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 4:00 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005 A Traumatising Experience What are the probabilities of getting robbed at a bus stop? Must have been really unlucky for this kinda crap to happen.. I didnt sleep well that night. Kept having vivid flashback him snatching it away from my hands. My heart raced double everytime that flashback occur. Oh well, thank god I didnt get hurt or the experience wld really leave a greater impact on me. It was 8pm, I left home. Headed to the bus stop and waited for bus 22. Had too many things on my mind then, I was oblivious to my surroundings and people around me. I kept thinking about us.. our past, present and the future. I was in a daze, that thief must have noticed that blur look on my face, it was a give away. I was petrified! A feeling I never experienced before. I borrowed a mobile phone from a passerby but cldn't dial the numbers. My hands were shakin' like crazy.. Would someone just save me?! Urgh! I'm so pissed now! Curse that fuckin fucker! Curse you'd die a horrible death and you'd never get laid! ever~! Oh God, please forgive what I just said, please fill me with your love so that I can forgive and bless those who have hurt me. Grant me strength to move on.. Thank U for watching over us & keeping me n my loved ones safe.. s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 10:35 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005 Boulevard of Shattered Dreams Somehow, this blog came along just at the right time for me - when u chose to walk away.. So now we're gonna be just friends? Is that even possible? You say - The gal u once loved wholeheartedly is now dead. Do u even realise that her heart still remains the same? 5am in e morning, feelin' so cold n tranquil. We left home together but never uttered a word along e way. You didnt even wanna look my way, we parted without saying Goodbye. No last words said.. Turned our backs and walked separate ways. I stood there alone by the streets, hailed a taxi hoping to leave this place filled w sad memories asap. I stood there alone, stealing glances at you across e street, hoping so much u'd look my way before I left.. Not once u did. On e taxi, it played your favourite song on e radio. Yeah, oh great, some help it brought. Tears trickled down my cheeks uncontrollably.. it was then i realise how much I'd be missing you when u're gone. I didnt wanna cry for u anymore, it hurts so much to love. I knew, u stole a damm big piece of my heart. Hated the way u hurt me, but hated myself even more for loving u the way u are. 3pm. Returned home from school. The sadness was overwhelming.. the phone didnt ring. Tears surfaced again.. I couldnt go on this way. Went for a swim to tire myself, i thought this was the only way i could get my sedated heart to rest.. at least for a while. Really tired now.. guess I'd see u in my dreams..Gd Nite s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 4:00 PM
Thursday, March 03, 2005 The first entry :) Hello sissie! I made a blog specially for you. I went through all the fucken trouble just to know whats written on the damned blogger page! Haha. Anyway, I'll update the template for you soon. Not now, cos Im too shagged and I have school tmr. Goodnight sis! Love you :) -Cia` s0metimes i wished s0me0ne out there will findd me; ``____x 10:02 PM
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